This was originally scheculed for the evening of October 4th, following my confession of mentally cheating on the bride to be. I was too embarrassed to let the world know. But I don’t know the world. Therefore, I don’t care what y’all think. The two women who it was about know. So people reading this is of lesser importance. I just gotta get it out.
She said “I do” with so much energy. So much passion. So much love. So much heart. The mist in her eyes. I just knew what I was about to say was gone make her vision blurry for real. I said a lot of words. I said “I” and I said “do” but I never said them in succession. I didn’t write what I was gone say the night before and memorize it. I just spoke from the heart and told my bride and the 46 people in attendance, one of which included my female best friend why I couldn’t go through with the marriage. I told everyone I was hoping my female best friend objected to the marriage. I told my bride if I was having those type of thoughts on 1 of the biggest days of my life then I’m not ready. Maybe we are still meant for each other but I need more time around her so thoughts like that don’t happen. Or maybe it’s my female friend who I should be with? I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to make a mistake and need to know for sure who I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s either her or … her. This is not a competition. This isn’t about them. This is about me and not knowing what I want or who I want.
When I finished talking to my bride I looked over to my friend and asked,”Would she have objected?” She stood up and ran out the church. The fact I ran after her was the nail in the coffin for my bride. When I caught up with my friend she said she couldn’t talk and needed to process what just happen.
So now I’m sitting in this hotel, still in my wedding tux, bottle of Jack Daniels in arms reach, having thoughts of ordering a prostitute to get my mind off both of them.
I’m running high on emotions right now. My decisions are not the best at the moment.