WordPress After Dark: I went through with the marriage BUT …

This was originally scheculed for the evening of October 4th, following my confession of mentally cheating on the bride to be. I was too embarrassed to let the world know. But I don’t know the world. Therefore, I don’t care what y’all think. The two women who it was about know. So people reading this is of lesser importance. I just gotta get it out. 

She said “I do” with so much energy. So much passion. So much love. So much heart. The mist in her eyes. I just knew what I was about to say was gone make her vision blurry for real. I said a lot of words. I said “I” and I said “do” but I never said them in succession. I didn’t write what I was gone say the night before and memorize it. I just spoke from the heart and told my bride and the 46 people in attendance, one of which included my female best friend why I couldn’t go through with the marriage. I told everyone I was hoping my female best friend objected to the marriage. I told my bride if I was having those type of thoughts on 1 of the biggest days of my life then I’m not ready. Maybe we are still meant for each other but I need more time around her so thoughts like that don’t happen. Or maybe it’s my female friend who I should be with? I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to make a mistake and need to know for sure who I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s either her or … her. This is not a competition. This isn’t about them. This is about me and not knowing what I want or who I want. 

When I finished talking to my bride I looked over to my friend and asked,”Would she have objected?” She stood up and ran out the church.  The fact I ran after her was the nail in the coffin for my bride. When I caught up with my friend she said she couldn’t talk and needed to process what just happen. 

So now I’m sitting in this hotel, still in my wedding tux, bottle of Jack Daniels in arms reach, having thoughts of ordering a prostitute to get my mind off both of them. 

I’m running high on emotions right now. My decisions are not the best at the moment. 

gasps

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11 thoughts on “WordPress After Dark: I went through with the marriage BUT …

  1. You said the world don’t count but u went ahead to tell us. You think you would be nailed but I guess u have nailed yourself already. The truth is whoever you are going to marry should be your best friend. If u left me to decide I will d friend because her opinion was more important to you than your bride to be. But if you know Go and believe in him then consult him.

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    1. I don’t know a “us” like I said in the intro. I didn’t know your name until you commented. This post is more a time stamp and to follow-up on it’d predecessor. I could have cared less if it received two comments (thus far). Yeah I could have wrote this in a diary but this has been my medium for 5 years. Yeah I could have password protected this but I didn’t say any identifying information.

      But thanks for the advice, I guess.

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  2. My deepest sympathies to you… I believe you did the right thing. Living with the doubt, the question, would have caused you and your partner so much pain and drawn out suffering. I believe in being true to oneself. The tragedy is, of course, that it does not guarantee good results. And that is heart-wrenching. You did the right thing, but my heart bleeds for you, who could not go through with the uncertainty, your fiancé, and your friend, whose life is probably quite shaken as well. I can offer you only my sympathies and the knowledge that your pain is heard and felt.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I m no one to judge you or your female friend, or your bride to be ( if it still holds true). But I really feel terrible for that girl who you left at the alter. I understand what love is like. It’s mostly very very complicated. Who knows better than me about it. If I were you, I would have done that confrontation before entering the church. But atleast u didn’t cheat her after marriage.

        I hope you and your female friend decide well that what u both want. But if she doesn’t love you, then you r really screwed.

        Liked by 1 person

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