I wish I could go back in time and just observe my mental state the day before I stepped on my first airplane 7 years ago. I’m sure it was similar to what I’m going through tonight. 7 years ago still was post 9/11. But at least last time it was in June, my birthday weekend. This time we’re in the neighborhood of the 14th anniversary. As of right now, I don’t have any bubble gum to chew during the plane (I vividly recall a co-worker recommending I do to prevent my ears from popping).
I want to get a good night’s rest tonight. But as you know when anticipating something big the next day it’s hard to concentrate on sleep. I wanna be up in 5 hours to take a shower. Other than that, I’m ready. Everything is ironed, folded, and neatly squished in my Russell Simmon’s duffle, which I hope is allowed to be my carry-on. Please allow! Cause it has no locks on it and I love my Docker khakis. Plus I need my $25 man.
Reason I’m writing this post is because I don’t really have no one to talk to about this. I have no circle. It’s times like these when I feel like my introversion and loner disposition backfired on me. I know I don’t need to be this big people person but at least those introverts and loners still have that ONE person that GETS them. Rather than be a family member or friend. At present I don’t have that one person. It’s no one’s fault but mines. I did all of this deliberately. I just don’t like majority of people and don’t like when people get close to me. I feel weird and awkward. Like I need to live up to someone else’s expectation. I do need to put myself out there more. I do. But whenever I’m in the appropriate environment I say to myself, “That person doesn’t look worth my time.”
That’s my reason for this midnight post.